


Hard Feelings

by iputbabyinthecorner



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aftercare, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bang Chan is Bad at Feelings, Bang Chan is Whipped, Bang Chan is a Good Significant Other, Blow Jobs, Bottom Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Crying, Declarations Of Love, Dom Bang Chan, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kissing, Lee Felix is Whipped (Stray Kids), Light Dom/sub, M/M, Oral Sex, POV Third Person Omniscient, Sad Bang Chan, Sad Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Second Kiss, Smut, Soft Bang Chan, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28688385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iputbabyinthecorner/pseuds/iputbabyinthecorner
Summary: "We go years without addressing this situation and you decide you know how I feel? Do you have any idea how I feel?""No, so fucking let me in!"Or: Chan and Felix have some serious emotional tension to work out, and they do.+1 bonus pwp chapter that turned into 6k of More Plot bc ily guys mwahh
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 25
Kudos: 255





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends!! i'm starting to write more again!! it felt good to write something that wasnt just gratuitous filth for once but lets be honest here. i'm probably gonna give in and write an epilogue with, you guessed it, gratuitous filth later ;-;
> 
> also just a quick heads up! i couldnt include it in the tags since im just bad at technology and dk how to create my won tags BUT here is some CW: descriptions of anxiety and the physical feelings of having anxiety, serious emotional tension (that gets resolved!), swearing, and detailed descriptions of crying. i'll add more warnings in the notes of the second chapter if i make one!!

It was when Chan could feel that his eyes were bloodshot from the sheer effort it took to move them to glance at the clock hanging above the studio door that he knew he was fucked. 2:37 am. Shit. He'd promised not to do this today. Saving the progress he'd made on the song displayed on his screen, Chan rushed through his closing routine, making sure everything was in its right place and everything was properly shut down. 

As he trudged down the hall of the studio, Chan felt nothing but dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. See, any other night it wouldn't be the end of the world if he lost track of time and ended up going home to the dorm at an ungodly hour of the morning. However, this was not any other night. And, if Chan was being completely honest, it hadn't  _ been _ just fine that he'd been coming home so late recently. Felix had noticed. Chan pressed the button for the elevator with slightly more force than he probably had to.

Felix had noticed, and had essentially posed an ultimatum. Tonight Chan had to come home before 12 am if he wanted Felix to believe he had full control over his schedule and could really 'stop any time' as he claimed. And he could! He really could! He was just… bad at checking time and got lost in his work too easily. Felix had said he was going to wait up for him. Chan felt the sharp pang of anxiety rush up through his chest and into his throat, tasting the bitter aftertaste of disappointment on his tongue. Felix's disappointment, not his own. Somehow that was worse.

Chan slotted the key into the keyhole, slowly turning it and opening the door as quietly as he could. He slipped inside, gently closing the door and wincing when the sound practically echoed through the stagnantly quiet dorm. 

Silently making his way through the kitchen to the main room, Chan realized with an ache in his chest that Felix was curled up on the couch, asleep with his phone pressed to his chest. Chan hadn't bothered to check his phone, as was usual for him, but if he had he's sure he'd have found a plethora of increasingly irritated and sad texts from the younger. He slid his bag from his shoulder to the floor, next to the messy pile of shoes that was always at the threshold of the kitchen and living room. It had been Felix who had insisted they start taking off their shoes when in the carpeted area. 

Chan swallowed down his anxiety as he grudgingly approached the sleeping boy. Crouching next to the couch, he sighed, pushing a lock of the other's hair behind his ear. 

"Lix?" Chan murmured, watching with bated breath as Felix stirred, whining and trying to push his hand away. "Lix, it's me, I'm home."

Felix's eyes flew open as he seemingly registered where, when, and who he was, sitting up abruptly and throwing his phone to the ground in the process. He blinked blearily at Chan, who smiled nervously. Once he'd gained his bearings, Felix sighed exhaustedly and looked Chan in the eyes, his own swimming with an amount of emotions that made the older slightly dizzy. Felix made a grabby motion with his hands that Chan loosely interpreted to mean 'c'mere dumbass', and joined him on the couch, feeling slight relief as Felix immediately laid his head on his shoulder. 

"You're home," was all Felix said, voice quiet -- fragile enough that Chan felt like he could easily break it. It scared him. Silence washed over the two as they stared at the empty room in front of them. Finally, Felix spoke again.

"You can't keep doing this, and you know it." It wasn't an opinion, it was a statement, and Chan knew it. He sighed, shifting to face the other man, internally lamenting the fact that Felix lifted his head from his shoulder. 

"Felix, I can handle it, I've told you, it doesn't bother-"

"You can't keep doing this to  _ me _ , Chris," Felix interrupted in a whisper, slipping into English. Chan felt his blood run cold as he instinctively leaned forward, grabbing Felix's hands in his. They had shifted enough that they were sitting cross-legged, facing each other on the couch. Chan felt his knee brush against Felix's as the latter fidgeted in discomfort. He opened his mouth to speak at the same time that Felix did, but Felix beat him to it. "Fuck, I said that."

A lapse of silence.

"You did," Chan murmured, matching Felix's automatic use of English, brushing his thumbs over Felix's knuckles. He heard a sniffle and looked up, horrified, in time to watch Felix's carefully constructed mask of false serenity crumble as his face twisted into a grimace with a heartbreaking sob. After being frozen in place for a good second, Chan gathered the now freely crying boy into his arms, coaxing him into his lap as he sobbed into his shirt. He rubbed Felix's back in a way he hoped was comforting, trying not to notice just how tiny and broken his figure felt under his hands. Chan moved so he could take his legs out from under himself, sitting normally on the couch with Felix still on his lap, effectively straddling him. 

"I'm sorry, Fe. I'm so sorry… I had no idea this was hurting you so badly," Chan mumbled into the top of the blonde's head, tears tracking down his own cheeks as he listened to Felix hiccup and gasp as he tried to force himself to calm down. "Lix, it's okay, you can cry-"

Felix pushed himself back, taking a shuddering breath in as he made eye contact with Chan, who felt nothing but pain as he took in the redness of his face and the raw, churning emotion in his expression. "No, no i-it is n-n-ot okay, oka-ay??"

Felix breathed heavily and squeezed his eyes shut, trying again to collect himself, frustratedly pushing away Chan's hands when he tried to lift them to help wipe away some tears. After some forced deep breaths, he squared his shoulders and looked up. "I'm-m gonna talk, and you're gonna listen… okay?"

Chan nodded weakly as he felt the flames of anxiety lick at the palms of his hands, nervous for what he was about to be told.

"I… I know you know this about more than just your sleep schedule. Fuck, I mean I just admitted to it affecting me personally." Felix took another shaky breath, this time not pushing Chan's hands away when they came up to cup his cheeks, instead leaning into the touch and closing his eyes for a second. "And-and I know we've talked about this… god, whatever it is, between us and just decided to leave well enough alone for time being but-"

Felix opened his eyes, which sparkled with a new batch of unshed tears, and made eye contact with Chan. "I can't keep doing this. God, I miss you. You've been working so hard and-and don't get me wrong, I'm so proud of you, and of us, and of our team, but I'm so worried. You're always gone and it worries me to no end and we never talk about  _ anything _ and I- I need some kind of assurance, an answer,  _ something _ . Please, just… love me or leave me. I can't handle this uncertainty." 

Chan sighed, dropping his hands from Felix and leaning his head back. He stared at the ceiling as thoughts ripped through his head so fast he simply couldn't pin one down to start talking. He startled when Felix laid a hand gently on his shoulder. "Channie, slow down up there, I can feel you overthinking."

Chan just shook his head, refusing to look down at the boy in his lap. His brain was fucking everywhere. It was at the first day he'd met Felix, awkward and speaking in broken Korean, but goddamn it if he didn't immediately light up when he danced. It was at the first pang of longing he'd felt and not at first understood when he realized as a leader his relationship with the rest of the members would be… different. It was at the conversation they'd had late at night just months after debut when Chan had kissed Felix… and Felix had kissed back. It was at the little gestures of affection Felix would make -- baking, housecleaning, massages, even just offering an ear to listen -- that made Chan love him. It was at the- oh fuck. He loved him. 

"Ok." Felix, apparently done waiting, started to get off of Chan. The older man quickly was shaken out of his thoughts, quickly sitting up and grabbing Felix by the waist, seating him again in his lap. "No, no, stop I'm sorry I was jus-"

"I get it, I get it, spare me the sugarcoating. I'm sorry I read too much into things," Felix said, squirming to try and get away from Chan, whose grip on him just tightened. "No, Felix, you aren't letting me-"

"No! No, I don't wanna hear it! I've always been more invested in you than you've been in me and I knew it all along but I didn't  _ do _ anything about it because I- I'm in love with you, Chris. I'm in love with you, and you don't feel that way, which is fine, but jus- let me GO-"

Chan saw red. "How do you have  _ any idea _ how I feel?"

He let Felix go, who scrambled off his lap, looking confused and hurt and Chan just couldn't acknowledge that right now. "We go  _ years _ without addressing this situation and you decide you know how I feel? Do you have any idea how I feel??"

"No, so fucking  _ let me in _ ," Felix practically yelled, and Chan vaguely registered a light down the hallway behind him being flicked on and some shuffling, but it was so unimportant right then. He slowly stood up, taking a step toward Felix, who looked like he was putting his bravest face on, standing his ground. At that, realizing Felix was comfortable with him approaching, Chan surged forward and enveloped the younger in a tight hug that forced a small huff out of Felix on impact. 

"I don't know how you could possibly think I don't love you."

Felix gasped into Chan's shoulder where his face was pressed and pulled back slightly. His eyes searched Chan's face frantically, almost as if looking for insincerity. He found none. Fresh tears were already tracking down the older man's face as he stared back at Felix, his expression an odd mix of relief, anxiety, and humor. "I did this to myself, really. Or- to us."

Felix made a soft inquisitive sound, reaching up from where his hands had found a home at Chan's waist to brush the tears from the latter's cheeks. 

"I… get stuck in my head. A lot. You know that. It gets hard for me to even verbalize a single thought because my head just keeps going on and on before I can even begin to speak, I get- I get-"

"Lost?"

Chan sighed, nodding empathetically as he tightened his hold on Felix. "Yea, lost. Lost as a very good word for it. I felt so… lost, about you, us. It was so confusing as a leader to try and establish a boundary and feel so conflicted. And then… with everything that happened I felt like I wasn't doing any of the right things, and I felt like relationships shouldn't be part pf the team dynamic which was so incredibly  _ stupid _ of me- So, i pushed everything aside. I went into work mode one day and never came back out and.. I hurt both of us in the process."

Felix hummed, threading his hands through Chan's hair in interlocking his fingers behind his neck. "I understand that. You have… a lot on your plate. It still stung though. We'd get close and then you'd just, I dunno, disappear into your head. You wonder why I thought you didn't love me? It was those moments I thought we had something happening and then you… you slipped away."

Chan nodded, eyes stinging as the words made a home in his head. "It was fucked up." 

Felix let out a surprised laugh, and his eyes crinkled, and his face glowed, and Chan kind of wanted so badly to kiss every freckle on the bridge of his nose. Chan leaned forward and leaned his forehead on Felix's. "I'm so, so sorry, Felix. I'm sorry, and I love you. I'll make it clear; I love you as far more than a friend. As a soulmate." 

Felix swallowed hard, clearly fighting tears as a shaky smile graced his lips. "I love you too, Channie. I forgive you, as long as you make it right from now on… as a significant other?"

"Yes. Yes. Of course, yes. No more undefined bullshit. God, it sounds so stupid now. What the hell was I thinking?"

"I don't think you were," Felix said with a shit-eating grin that Chan definitely deserved. Taking a second to admire the younger's beauty for a second, Chan hesitated before leaning in, sealing his lips over Felix's in a soft, chaste kiss. He had to focus on his breathing for a second when Felix melted into it, kissing back slightly more urgently, his hands tightening in Chan's hair. After a second, they broke apart, breathing slightly heavily, and Felix buried his face in Chan's chest, prompting the older man to drop a kiss on the crown of his head.

The two stood like that for a while, basking in each other's presences and slightly swaying as they held each other. Chan suddenly remembered the movement he'd registered in his peripheral consciousness earlier as he heard whispering and footsteps. A glance over his shoulder revealed a guilty looking Seungmin and Jeongin peeking around the corner of the hallway, looking like kids caught with their hands in a cookie jar. 

"Hyung," Seungmin spoke softly, as if talking to a scared animal, nervously smiling. "Is… is everything okay with-" he gestured vaguely at he and Felix "this?" 

Feeling Felix lift his head, Chan smiled, suddenly oddly happy to just… be here. He laughed, and it bubbled warmly in his chest, like hot fudge. 

"Yes, Minnie. We're gonna be okay."

And they were. Probably better than they'd ever been.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6k of what was supposed to be pwp and ended up php: plot-heavy porn. thank you very much goodnight, cws in the notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! some quick content warnings for this chapter: very explicit and descriptive sex scenes, slight descriptions of anxiety, vague descriptions of sexually submissive headspace, slight humilation in the Not Sexy way. stay safe loves, have fun!

It was the light filtering in through the flimsy sheer curtains covering the window above Felix's bed that woke Chan up, his body jolting awake as though he'd been shocked. Perhaps his body was shocked, really, that he'd slept for as long as he had. Chan took a few deep breaths, willing the sudden adrenaline of waking to leave his veins and suddenly became acutely aware of the weight on his chest. Felix was snuggled up there, his face smooshed into Chan's chest and one fist curled up cutely next to his head. Chan realized with a start that one of his own hands was resting on the back of Felix's thigh, which was hiked up next to Chan's hip. Clumsily patting his free hand around the nightstand by the head of the bed, Chan retrieved his phone and checked the time. 11 am. ' _ Nice _ ' Chan thought to himself before he felt himself slowly get pulled back under the influence of sleep, his phone slipping from his hand to the floor with a carpeted  _ thud _ . It dully registered somewhere in the back of his mind that Changbin wasn't in his bed, but the thought slipped away as fast as it came as he succumbed to the cozy warmth that was sleeping with Felix.

The second time Chan snapped into consciousness he knew his body had hit its limit for sleep. He didn't have the motivation to retrieve his phone from wherever it fell on the ground so he didn't know what time it was exactly, but by the honeyed lighting in the room he could tell it was at least noon. Chan realized with mild surprise that this meant he'd slept around 9 hours. Maybe Felix was a good luck charm for insomniacs or something. Said boy stirred slightly from where he was still laying face down between Chan's legs, huffing slightly, but certainly not awake. Chan felt his cheeks burn as he finally consciously took physical inventory and realized he was wearing only a pair of sweatpants, and Felix's breathing was right against his bare chest. He had lost his hoodie sometime last night to Felix, who was now wearing nothing but it and briefs. 

Last night had really happened. After Seungmin and Jeongin had found them, Chan had ushered them all off to bed, apologizing to everyone for the late hour, which had got him a reassuring hand squeeze from Felix. Seungmin, always scarily observant, had managed to notice this and being the (infuriatingly) straightforward person he always was, had just asked if they were fucking. (Fucking!!!!) Chan had frozen up in shock at the absolute _audacity_ , which was probably good for Seungmin's health, and Felix gave a very brief rundown and, with a nervous glance to Chan, had uttered the phrase, "We're dating." So basically Chan was on cloud nine and perhaps he had pulled Felix to his bed after the other two bid them good night and pressed him into the blankets and kissed him breathless between soft "I love you"s and other such saccharinities. And, if Chan thought hard enough, he'd say around then was when he was stripped, quite literally, of his hoodie, right before the two were rudely reminded by an almost inhumanly loud snore from Changbin that they were most certainly not alone in their shared room.

They got to sleeping pretty quickly after that.

Chan brought a hand to Felix's hair, running his fingers through the long locks at the base of his neck. Gazing down at the younger sleeping boy, he felt a sense of pride and content spread warmly in his chest. This was  _ his boy _ . There'd be things to figure out, boundaries to discuss, HR to inform, PR contracts to sign. Nothing as tragic as he'd seen many fans speculate about on twitter, but it'd be a bit before they were company-level official. But right here, right now, he had Felix in his arms and truly… that was enough for him. Chan pressed a kiss to the top of Felix's head and stayed there, just breathing his boyfriend's ( _ boyfriend _ 's) presence in. He wasn't sure how long he'd stayed like that when Felix finally stirred for real, groaning and lifing his head, looking up at Chan with adorably bleary eyes.

Upon realizing the older man was already awake, Felix made this pouty little face that almost  _ broke _ Chan, letting out a sound that went something like "nnnh?". Chan just smiled softly down at Felix and brushed his messy bangs out of his eyes, watching with his heart is his throat as Felix preened at the attention, leaning into the touch like a spoiled house cat. "G'mornin'" Felix finally mumbled, voice scratchy and soft from lack of use. Chan couldn't have held back the way he cooed at the younger if he tried. 

"Good morning, baby," Chan murmured back, stroking Felix's cheek with his thumb, who frowned and lifted himself up only to flop back down on Chan's chest, just closer, so they were face to face. Chan smiled softly at the action, knowing exactly what Felix wanted.

"Hi."

"Hi," Felix replied with a grin that Chan could almost taste. Felix closed the small gap between them, softly kissing Chan, who immediately responded with enthusiasm. Chan threaded one hand through Felix's hair, resting the other dangerously low at the small of his back. Their lips moved together in a gentle give and take until Felix broke the kiss by backing off slightly for air, but still keeping their lips touching as they breathed into each other's mouths. Felix then pecked Chan's lips before moving up to kiss the tip of his nose, his cheeks, his forehead, his right eyebrow, and finally his chin, by the end of which both of them were giggling like high schoolers. They let out simultaneous sighs as they settled into each other, each simply gazing into the other's expression as a comfortable silence settled over them.

"How long have you been awake, Hyung," Felix asked quietly after a while. Chan hummed at this, thinking for a second before responding.

"Little over half an hour, maybe."

"Well, why didn't you wake me up," Felix whined, clearly distressed at the possibility that Chan may have been bored or felt burdened to have him asleep on him. Chan chuckled at the absurdity of the idea.

"I was just happy to be here with you. You were fast asleep, love, I didn't wanna ruin that," Chan said, admiring the blush that spread across Felix's cheeks and kissing his forehead softly. 

"So you just, what, watched me sleep?" Felix asked with a grin, thumbing at Chan's lip with the hand that had made its way to his face. Chan sighed, rolling his eyes, which Felix took as a yes, cackling at the idea of Chan just watching him sleep. When he'd calmed down, he fixed Chan with a sly smile that made him kind of look like a cat stalking prey. "You're so weird hyung, why'd you do that? D'you like me or something? Or, or, do you think I'm pretty??"

Chan finally snapped and flipped them over easily, forearms resting next to either side of Felix's head as he jokingly glared down at him, huffing and shaking his head. Felix just stared up at him with his big, shining eyes blown wide and mouth slightly open in surprise. "Goddamn, Channie, I knew you were strong but-"

"You are such a  _ brat _ , Lix," Chan said lowly, punctuating each word with a misleadingly chaste kiss to Felix's lips, the last of which Felix chased, wanting more. Chan chuckled, smirking when he saw Felix's eyes glaze over as he registered what had been said. Oh.  _ Oh _ . He liked that. Felix just looked up at him, squirming, as Chan observed him, as if reading a mildly interesting book. Felix whined, grabbing at Chan's biceps, trying to get his full attention. "Channie-"

"Does my bratty little baby like being called out?" Chan asked, taking a leap and preparing to apologize profusely should he come to find out he was reading this wrong. He never had to apologize, however, because Felix responded in the best possible way imaginable. He outright keened high in his throat, nodding empathetically with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Taking this reaction in stride, Chan pushed it another step further. "Words."

Felix struggled for a second and finally settled on "Uh-huh", looking up with wide doe-like eyes. Chan smiled softly, deeply enjoying seeing this side of Felix, understanding what a vulnerable part of his new boyfriend he had just stumbled upon. Taking a second to diffuse the growing sexual tension he's just managed to hand craft, Chan sat up in the bed, pulling Felix with him and depositing the smaller boy into his lap, looping his arms around his waist."Thank you, love."

"For what," Felix asked mildly, tracing a finger along the prominent curve of Chan's collarbone in a way that was almost ticklish, and made Chan grab hold of his hand, pressing a kiss to the palm of it. 

"For being open, and kind, and letting me love you and understand you," Chan said blatantly, kissing his boyfriend's hand again. "And maybe also just being you."

As Chan interlaced their fingers Felix giggled at the gesture and Chan felt inclined to kiss the smile lines on his face. So he did. And maybe he got a little carried away with this kissing because he soon found himself kissing down the column of Felix's neck, pulling little sighs and gasps from the blonde's mouth. Chan nipped at the skin right at the corner of Felix's jaw and felt a hand fly up and grip his hair as Felix let out a tiny, but definitely audible moan. And,  _ fuck _ , if that didn't do something to Chan's already kind of cloudy mental state. He tugged Felix's hoodie to the side, kissing the curve of where the latter's neck and shoulder met, biting the skin teasingly just to hear Felix's breath hitch. Chan disentangled his other hand from Felix's, placing it a little too carefully on the curve Felix's ass, which didn't go unnoticed by the younger man, who laughed quietly and tugged softly at Chan's hair to get his attention. "Hyung, you can touch me, y'know… 'm not gonna break-"

He was abruptly cut off when Chan surged forward and captured his lips in a much more intense kiss then they'd ever shared before, both hands now fully grabbing Felix's ass. Felix swiped his tongue along Chans lips, drawing a groan out of the other as his grip on the younger tightened. Feeling slightly light headed, Felix sighed into Chan's mouth as he ran his tongue along the roof of the older man's mouth, making him shiver slightly and begin to guide Felix's hips down to grind slowly onto his lap. At this, Felix pulled back from his kiss, admiring the flush making his boyfriend's skin glow prettily before he cleared his mind enough to speak. 

"Hyung." Chan just chased his lips impatiently, face determined and pouty like a kid whose candy just got taken. "Channie, baby, please-"

"Baby, huh?" Chan teased with a grin eyes half lidded and looking pure sin incarnate. Felix just about lost his mind, but had enough of a grip on his sanity to just glare at him for a second before switching to an over exaggerated pout, batting his eyes at Chan. 

"Don't like it?"

"Fuckin' love it," was all Chan said before he dove back in and distracted Felix again with that damn mouth of his before Chan lifted his hips slightly while pushing Felix's down, making the latter let out an embarrassingly  _ loud _ whine. It was then that Felix was reminded of what he'd originally been trying to say, and he pushed at Chan's shoulder, whining out a little "stop". 

Chan immediately sat up straight, backing off, mouth open and ready to apologize when Felix gently placed a finger on his parted lips. "Nonono don't give me that look, you didn't do anything wrong, Hyung."

Chan visibly relaxed, tension releasing from his figure. "What's up then, angel."

Fighting down the blush that Felix knew was rising in his cheeks, Felix gestured vaguely at the door of their room. "As much as I'd love to continue this we cannot do anything serious in a dorm full of our 6 closest friends…" He trailed off slightly at the end and a grin grew across Chan's face.

"Can't do 'anything serious', huh?" Chan asked teasingly, raising an eyebrow in a way that was unfairly attractive, in Felix's opinion, for a man who was teasing the living hell out of him. Or maybe that was what made it so attractive. 

"You're an absolute menace, Christopher Bang. A menace-" Chan cut him off with a giggle and leaned in with a more sincere smile this time and peppered Felix's face with kisses. By the time he pulled back, Felix was smiling fully, eyes closed serenely. Chan almost wanted to stop and pinch himself. This man was his boyfriend. And, not only that, he put up with his bullshit, which was a big bonus for both of them. "I love you."

"You  _ sap _ , I love you too," Felix said, voice fond in a kind of fragile way that he quickly swept aside by clearing his throat. "Let's go find the others, yeah?"

Chan hummed and sat black, allowing Felix to climb off his lap in a way that was unfairly graceful (curse Felix's dancer legs). Felix stretched, letting out a little groan and lifting his arms above his head, causing Chan's hoodie to lift. The action allowed a peek at a strip of the skin of his stomach, and dammit, Chan needed to get out of this room before he threw away all logic and jumped the younger man right here, right now. Shaking his head as if that would dissipate his less than clean thoughts, Chan stood up from the bed as well, coming up to Felix and hugging him from behind. Felix hummed softly and placed his hands on top of Chans where they rested on his stomach. He pressed a soft kiss to the base of Felix's neck and forced himself to separate himself from his lover, sighing as he opened the door, ready to face the 6 loud bastards they lived with. 

However, whatever raucous he'd expected to be met with when he opened the door never happened, and he instead was met with silence. The door across the hall, Jeongin and Jisung's shared room, was wide open with no signs of life inside. "Wha…?"

"What's wrong?" Felix asked, coming up behind chan to rest his chin on his shoulder. He immediately noticed the silence as well, and froze. "Wait what the fuck…" 

"Language," Chan absentmindedly muttered, leaving Felix to go look around, who just clung onto the doorway, peeking around the corner to look down the hallway in the direction Chan was walking. Stopping when he saw no one in the main living area, Chan immediately fished his phone out of his pocket, turning the screen on only to find no texts, nothing. Now slightly panicked, Chan unlocked his phone, selecting the first contact he saw, Jisung, and hitting call. The line rang only once before Jisung picked up, aggravatingly cheery as he said, "He lives!"

"Han Jisung where the hell are you all? Why would you just get up and leave without saying anything? What part of that made sense," Chan interrogated, speech rapid-fire and tone stern. He had to admit, he was a little relieved to hear Jisung in a good mood, and it put to rest the little irrational voice in the back of his head that had been screaming that they'd all been kidnapped overnight and for some reason he and Felix had been left behind. He turned around and began to make his way back over to Felix, who still looked a little wide-eyed and lost, clinging to the doorjamb. Chan fought down the fleeting thought that he looked fucking adorable and innocent like this and cupped Felix's cheek with his free hand once he reached him. "They're okay, Lix." 

Felix visibly relaxed and made his way back to his bed, face-planting into the sheets and staying there. Chan trailed behind him, listening as there was some scuffling on the other end of the phone before Jisung cleared his throat. 

"Okay, so don't get mad-" Chan groaned out loud as he lifted Felix's legs to sit on the bed, putting them back down on his lap."-but Seungmin kinda told us all what happened last night and how he and Innie saw you guys kiss and so we kinda sorta just collectively decided you guys should have the day to yourself for uhhhhh… reasons."

A lapse of since as Chan tried to process what, exactly, he had just heard. He registered Felix lifting his head to look back at him in his peripheral vision.

"Are you saying that you left because you thought Felix and I were going to have sex while you all were  _ here _ ??" Chan finally cried out, incredibly lost on the judgement that had been applied here. Felix let out a sound that could probably be described as a shriek as he scrambled to sit up, looking horrified. Chan sighed at the absurdity of the situation, feeling 3 times his age.

"Uhhh is Felix… okay?" Was the first thing Jisung said, and Chan wondered briefly if Jisung knew how lucky he was that this conversation wasn't happening in person. 

"He's fine, explain yourself."

"I- well, to answer your question, no, it's kind of the opposite. We all know you're both way too nice for that… morals and whatnot. We knew you wouldn't do anything if we didn't leave."

Oh. Well, Chan couldn't argue with that logic, he wasn't wrong. He shut his eyes, hard, and hung his head, shaking his head slightly. Felix had turned himself around and was now laying his head in Chan's lap, looking up at him with an expression that looked like a mix of worry and fondness. Chan ran his fingers through Felix's hair, essentially petting him, to calm himself down. "I just don't understand why you guys had to- like- take action…? Before we even talked to you all? This is such a private topic to address like this." 

Felix pouted at this, obviously less worried about the others knowing than he was about how Chan was feeling and if he was being honest, Chan was envious of his ability to care so little about the others' speculations about their intimacy. Chan heard a cough over the phone and muffled speaking, as though Jisung was telling the others what he'd said. There was some shuffling before Chan heard a "Hey hyung," from Minho.

"Hey."

"Listen I was the only one who didn't want to put you two on the spot like this. I'm also kinda pissed at them," there was an indignant "Hey!" in the background from Seungmin. "I'll be the first to acknowledge that you two just made huge progress and say congrats. It came off really badly and Jisung made it even worse by insinuating that we did this so that you guys could be intimate, but we really just left so you could spend the day together getting used to being a couple. Take it or leave it, do whatever  _ you two _ are comfortable with, not whatever you think we do or don't want you to do. We're assholes. Sorry."

As Minho spoke, Chan felt some of the shame and anxiety leave him. Minho had a way of doing that, being the voice of reason, and Chan was forever grateful that he'd stolen the phone from Jisung. "Thanks, Min."

Minho just hummed in acknowledgement. There was a pause for a second before he spoke up again. "I'm proud of you two. By the way, we're all out shopping and shit, and we'll probably grab dinner before coming back, so assume you're on your own for food."

Chan acknowledged this and they ended the call quickly, and Chan basically threw his phone across the room to land on his own bed. Felix sat up and climbed into Chan's lap, kissing him gently, looping his arms around his neck. With a small sound, Chan reciprocated, hugging Felix close by his waist. He felt tightness in his chest as they pulled apart, and he scanned Felix's face, trying to discern if this… madness had changed anything. 

It clearly hadn't. Felix looked almost appreciative and sentimental as he smiled, eyes turning up into crescents and teeth showing. "I'm so proud of you Channie."

Now that surprised Chan. That was something about Felix he loved, he always managed to surprise him, even when he thought he knew exactly what was around the next corner. "Really?"

"Yes. 'm so proud of you for handling this so well and for opening up to me last night and for being comfortable with me." Felix said, voice slightly wavering as he nuzzled into Chan's neck. Chan felt tears sting at his eyes as he held Felix, feeling a barely-there kiss get pressed to his collarbone. 

"Thank you Lix. I'm so fucking happy with you right now." Chan forced out, trying and failing not to let the emotion shine through his voice. At this Felix pulled back to look at him, cooing at the tears that had accumulated in his boyfriend's eyes. 

"Aw, baby, don't cry, I mean it all," Chan just shook his head with a small laugh, and Felix placed his hands on either side of his face. "Hmm… I guess I should just prove it to you, huh."

Chan's eyes widened almost comically as Felix shifted a bit on his lap, not exactly grinding but with enough pressure to send a clear message. The look on Felix's face was a clear question as he lowered himself off the bed and onto his knees, right between Chan's legs. That was when Chan firmly decided this boy would be the death of him, one way or another.

"Lix, baby, you don't have to-"

"But I want to."

"Even with everything that just happened-?"

"I  _ want to _ ," Felix pressed out, looking up at Chan with a sincere, open look that made the older man melt a little on the inside. "I want to. Do you want me to?"

" _ God _ , yes," Chan breathed, hungrily watching the shy, pleased expression that settled across Felix's face at the desperate admission. Felix leaned forwards, placing his hands on his thighs for balance, looking like an absolute dream still wearing nothing but Chan's hoodie and underwear. Yeah, this moment was definitely going into the deep archives of Chan's brain until he died. 

"Good, cuz I want you to fuck my mouth," Felix said, so offhandedly that Chan's eyes nearly popped out of his head. Leaning down enough that he and Felix were nearly face to face, Chan threaded his fingers through the hair at the back of Felix's hair, tugging lightly.

"Where the  _ fuck  _ did you learn to talk like that," he breathed, watching blush spread across Felix's cheek at probably both the question and their position. He whimpered softly, leaning his head back into Chan's hand, almost as though he was baring his neck in submission. Felix swallowed thickly before shaking his head slightly.

"I-I dunno, the media…?" 

"I…" The tension of the situation wavered for a second as they both stifled snickers at the answer, and Chan took the opportunity to pull Felix in for a quick, slightly messy kiss. "You're so cute, Lixie. "

Chan pulled back and Felix attacked, springing forward to palm at the slight bulge Chan's half hard cock over his sweats. Chan muttered a "fuck" under his breath when Felix looked up at him innocently, biting his lip. The younger man rested his cheek against Chan's thigh, sighing happily at what he was feeling. 

"Feels so big, Channie… 'nd you're not even hard yet,'' Felix murmured, boldly moving back the waistband of Chan's sweatpants with no warning whatsoever, pulling out his hardening length. Chan hissed as the sensation of cold air hitting the exposed skin as Felix wrapped a small, pretty hand around him. His fingers barely touched around it, and Chan had to hold himself back from cursing again. He was aware it was a combination of both Felix's tiny hands and his slightly above average size, but goddamn if it didnt do something to the horny, possessive part of his lizard brain that wanted so badly to ruin Felix right here, right now. 

Chan gathered a handful of Felix's hair in his hand and pulled him forward, barely having to apply any pressure as Felix went all too willingly. At the feeling of Felix's hot breath ghosting over the sensitive skin, Chan's cock twitched in anticipation and Chan noticed somewhere in the back of his mind that he'd managed to get fully hard in what had to be record breaking time. Felix honest-to-god licked his lips, his gaze flitting back and forth between the view in front of him and Chan's eyes. 

"What are you waiting for, permission?" Chan asked slightly coldly, almost feeling bad for the meanness of the comment until he saw Felix's eyes roll back as if he was being touched. Oh.  _ Oh _ . That was unfairly hot. Once Felix had gained enough composure, he moved forward, pumping his length a few times before giving a kitten lick to the tip, clearly enjoying himself as he watched a bead of precome form at the slit. Felix moaned softly at the sight, wrapping his lips around the tip of his cock and sucking, and Chan just about died, tightening his hand in Felix's hair with a low groan. Keeping eye contact, Felix slowly sunk down on his length, running his tongue along the underside as he did, stopping about half way to take some deep breaths through his nose.

"Such a good boy, you're doing so well, baby," Chan said in a low voice, moving his hands to cup at Felix's cheeks, a far too innocent gesture to do while Felix's lips were stretched around his member. Felix let out a weak whine, eyes fluttering shut at the praise, causing Chan to shudder slightly at the vibration. "You look so pretty like this, angel."

Felix's eyes slightly unfocused and he pushed forward, slowly taking more and more of Chan in until his cock was fully seated in his throat. Chan would be lying if he said he hadn't needed to physically suppress the urge to just thrust into the other's waiting mouth multiple times by biting his lip until he tasted blood. By the time Felix stopped moving, he looked absolutely fucked out, eyes watering and face flushed cherry red. Now having gotten used to the feeling, Felix comfortably swallowed around Chan and the older man was pretty sure he lost 10 years off his life, realizing very belatedly that this was clearly not Felix's first time doing this. Looking down at Felix's relaxed posture Chan made the connection that he seemed to be waiting for instructions. Rather than giving a verbal command, however, Chan simply pulled Felix off by his hair, ignoring the way he whimpered and tried to push back forward. He pouted up at Chan, clearly deep in headspace.

"Shh, baby it's okay, give me a second," Chan murmured, thumbing at Felix's lower lip as he came down from the bed to crouch in front of him. "You said you wanted me to fuck your mouth, yea?"

Something lit behind Felix's now glassy eyes and he nodded enthusiastically, and Chan smiled warmly at him. 

"Verbal answer, please?"

That one took a little longer. Felix frowned slightly, looking down at his lap, as if focusing really hard on a difficult math equation. He opened and shut his mouth one before he looked up and said, "Wan' hyung to fuck my mouth. 'n I want hyung to come in my mouth."

"Good job baby," Chan said softly, patting Felix's cheek gently. The other man leaned into the touch, smiling. "Hyung's gonna do that for you, but you have to promise me something, okay? If you need my attention or need to stop, you tap my thigh and I'll stop immediately, got it?"

"Uh-huh, tap your thigh to stop," Felix said, head obviously a little clearer, and Chan smiled, moving to stand up. 

"So smart," Chan said, smirking at the flat look Felix gave him as he fully stripped out of his sweats and underwear. Felix's glare slowly slid off his face as he watched, replaced with just  _ yearning _ as he sat up straighter and raked his eyes up and down Chan's body. Now, Chan was humble enough not to show it, but he knew he had a nice body, he'd spent too long working on it in the gym for it not to be. But Felix just sitting there, practically eye-fucking him made him feel warm to the touch, and feel so wanted it actually did a full loop from making him horny into making him feel emotional. Pushing away the thought, he stepped closer to Felix, watching the others gaze focus very clearly on one thing only.

He took hold of his length, lightly tapping the tip against Felix's cheek, who took the hint to open up, tongue lolling out of his mouth. He curled his fingers into Felix's hair for the umpteenth time, moving the blonde's head rather than moving himself to rest his member on Felix's tongue. Making eye contact with Felix, Chan guided his cock into his mouth, simultaneously using his grip on Felix's hair to push him down and thrust his hips forward. Felix's eyes fluttered shut at the feeling and Chan took that as a go-ahead, pulling back out and quickly snapping his hips forward, setting a fast pace as he fucked into his mouth. Felix was immediately a whining, drooling mess, eyes unfocused and teary but trained Chan's face as he used him. 

Chan cursed under his breath, groaning at the sight and feeling of Felix, realizing with slight panic that he wasn't going to last very long. Not only had he not had sex in so very long with his responsibilities wearing him down, but it was  _ Felix _ and that made to 300 times better. As his thrusts increased in force at his train of thought, Felix moaned particularly loudly and the vibration sent Chans brain into overdrive, and he felt sensitivity spread over his skin like a wildfire. Looking down more intently, Chan noticed that Felix's hands were clenching on his lap, slightly shaking, and Chan debated just stopping to ask him if he was okay when he realized what was happening. Felix was trying not to touch himself. Chan was gonna fucking die.

"You're- ah- you're fucking getting off on this," Chan practically growled, tone possesive and voice strained. Felix's eyes widened and he whined, high in his throat, but the sound was interrupted, articulated by Chan's thrusts. He saw Felix's legs press together and chuckled dangerously. "You're so perfect."

Felix preened at the praise, breaths audible and quick as he actively  _ sucked _ and Chan hissed, " _ Fuck _ , I'm gonna come soon, baby."

Felix moaned with a shudder at the thought, and his throat spasmed around Chan's cock and it took Chan a second to realize he had just  _ come _ . He had  _ come untouched  _ at the thought of Chan's orgasm. That was enough to send Chan over the edge, fucking through his orgasm and pumping his release down Felix's throat, who took it all gracefully, choking slightly once, but doing amazingly well for someone coming down from their high. 

Chan pulled out, kneeling down in front of Felix, who looked entirely fucked out, and took him into his arms, whispering soft praises and rubbing his back. Clearly exhausted, Felix melted into his arms, sighing softly when Chan ran a hand through his hair and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Let's get you cleaned up, my love."

Felix whined a little at being moved as Chan picked him up, gently setting him down on the bed. By the time he was situated and laying down, Felix had begun to come down from his headspace, blinking away the cloudiness from his eyes and watching quietly as Chan put on new underwear and grabbed a few things from around the room; some wet wipes, a fresh pair of briefs from Felix's dresser, a pillow from his own bed. Chan turned around to come back to Felix and smiled at seeing his eyes on him. 

"Hi, Lixie."

"Hi, Channie," Felix said with a smile of his own, making grabby hands at the older, who deposited the items in his hold onto the foot of the bed and made his way over to Felix, leaning down to kiss his nose, making Felix giggle. Wrapping his arms around his neck, Felix pulled Chan down into a short, sweet kiss. When they pulled apart, Felix grinned up at Chan. "I love you so much."

With an emotion-filled laugh, Chan pressed another kiss to his lips. "I love you, too, Felix. You make me so happy. Is it okay if I take care of you now?" 

Felix nodded happily with a slightly dreamy look on his face and Chan stood up straight, guiding Felix's hips up so he could pull off his underwear and grabbed a wet wipe, gently cleaning him up. Chan let him keep the hoodie. It looked good on him. Once he'd replaced his underwear with the clean pair, Chan sat down next to him on the edge of the bed, resting a hand on his stomach under the hoodie. Felix blinked up at him, soaking on the attention.

"How are you feeling, angel?"

"Hungry," Felix mumbled, and Chan laughed fondly, squeezing his hip and withdrawing his hand to stand and go retrieve his phone from where it had landed on his bed.

"What do you want, love? I'll order us something," He said, making his way over to the bed while pulling up the food delivery app on his phone. Felix hummed for a second in thought. 

"Bibimbap," He finally decided, and Chan hummed in agreement, clicking 'reorder' from the last time they'd ordered it from their usual restaurant. He looked up to find Felix sitting on the edge of the bed, looking up at him. "Wanna go watch a mindless drama while we wait?" 

Felix pretended to debate it, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Hmmm… will there be cuddles?" 

"Definitely," Chan said, offering a hand to Felix, who took it with a flourish. Chan kissed his hand like one would a disney princess and Felix cackled, pulling him closer.

"You've convinced me."

♡

When the others got home, the two had been dozing on the couch as a rerun of an episode of 'Secret Garden' played on the tv. Jisung had rushed in first, profusely apologizing to the couple who waved him off, saying they forgave him. Despite this he still continued to apologize and congratulate them as he backed out of the room before turning and scurrying down the hall. Felix and Chan just looked at each other and laughed, both having fully reconciled with the events of the day by now. 

The rest of them filed in and gave them fairly normal greetings, a few congrats were thrown at them, along with a meaningful look from Minho who apparently could read them like a book, but that was about it. Chan somehow found that despite the slight anticlimax of it all, he couldn't find it in him to mind. He had everything he needed. 

Chan turned back to the tv and adjusted the blanket that had slipped off their laps so it covered both of them better. Felix snuggled into his side and he wrapped an arm around his waist, earning a quick kiss on the cheek. Yeah. He had everything he needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u all for reading and thank you for your support :"0 kudos and comments keep me going! <3

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos keep me going <33
> 
> p.s. if u guys r nice to me i'll write y'all a smutty epilogue with fluffy morning sex god bless


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